


Day 27: Sex Toys

by orphan_account



Series: Pieces of Abandoned OTP Porn Challenge in No Particular Order [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 30 Day OTP Porn Challenge, Epic Bromance, F/M, Gen, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-09-26
Packaged: 2018-02-18 21:12:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which tentacle dildos do not belong in the living room, and Natasha restricts Thor’s use of a debit card.</p><p>  <i>She should be getting debriefed by Fury right now. She should be getting her next espionage assignment. She should be anywhere but in an adult entertainment store with a Norse god who’s terminally out of touch with “Midgardian customs.” </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Day 27: Sex Toys

**Author's Note:**

> Behold, my brOTP. No actual porn in this one, sorry.

Thor likes sparkly things. He also likes things that hum or vibrate, possibly because they remind him of Mjolnir. His favorite color is blue.

Natasha learns all of this in the strangest way possible. 

There’s a whole sub-section of SHIELD devoted to cleaning up the collateral damage incurred when space aliens and Doombots take on Norse gods and giant green rage monsters, which frees up the heroes of the day to go about their business.

 She should be getting debriefed by Fury right now. She should be getting her next espionage assignment. She should be anywhere but in an adult entertainment store with a Norse god who’s terminally out of touch with “Midgardian customs.” 

 Thor’s tasting lube samples over on a marble-topped counter, delighted at the discovery of so many artificial flavors. If Natasha had given it any thought before, she wouldn’t have been surprised. This is the same guy who insisted on having one box of every flavor of Pop-Tarts in the Avengers’ mansion. 

 “Sister spider!” Thor booms from across the shop, and great, if everyone in the NY area didn’t know she was in a sex shop with Thor, they did now. “Observe! Such a massive array of penile effigies!” He’s surveying the wall of vibrators and dildos with sheer joy, and again, she wonders what, exactly, God’s trying to tell her. 

 The jaded college kid behind the front counter asks for her John Hancock, because she’s wearing a spandex-and-latex costume and she must be a superhero or something, and really, anything to take her mind off Thor for a moment.

 Natasha would just leave Thor with a debit card and Google, but she doesn’t trust him not to bring home the entire shop, and, well. Pop-Tarts are one thing, but they don’t need to be tripping over tentacle dildos in the living room. Clint would never let her live that down, and stakeouts already felt like purgatory with him.

 After Thor has wended his way through the entire stock of the generously-sized shop, they leave with a sparkly, blue vibrator and three mini-sized bottles of lube. (She makes Thor choose three, because the “sex tax” puts the little bottles at almost ten bucks a pop, and strawberry lube is gross, anyway.)  Natasha isn’t sure with whom Thor’s planning on using all his newfound merchandise, but she’s sure it isn’t Jane. 

 (Gal’s as vanilla as they come, and she thinks Thor’s some kind of transcendent being. She obviously hasn’t seen him contemplating a bright pink dildo in the shape of a tentacle, exclaiming happily about “the kraken.”)

 When she later hears Clint exclaim through the walls, something about “blue and sparkly,” and hears a _thud_ from Thor’s quarters, her suspicions are confirmed, and she prepares herself for the worst.

 


End file.
